The turning of a year seems to
beg us to reevaluate, revitalize, and recommit. We resolve to do better and to
be better in almost every area of our lives. The only problem is that when it
comes to breathing new life into an old relationship, most of us are not sure
how to do it.
But we used to know how! Try
reinstating some behaviors that came naturally at the beginning of the
relationship.
Be curious.
Getting to know someone and sharing ourselves is an intoxicating experience.
When we first meet, we evoke a childlike curiosity about the other, wanting to
know all about them—their beliefs, dreams, and passions. The problem is that we
tend to think these things are static. So, once we ask, we do not often ask
again. However, we are all constantly changing, with new ideas, thoughts, and
experiences, and most of us like to share them.
It’s my theory that this is why,
in part, the “grass looks greener” with someone else. When we meet someone new
(whether in person or online), they show interest in our thoughts and feelings,
while our loved one may feel they already know everything about us.
You can rekindle the connection
with a little mindful inquiry. Ask about the other person's bucket list. Ask
about any changes in their favorites. Ask for opinions. Remember to explore
without judgment. You are seeking to learn what is new with your partner, not
what is wrong with them.
Be present.
Put the phone away. Just as you have “office hours” when you can’t be
interrupted, so you should give your love life undivided attention daily ...
even if only for a short period of time. Listen. Share. Laugh. Breathe. Notice.
Touch.
Remember when you first met and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? I
am not talking about sex, necessarily (although that can certainly help!). I’m
talking about nurturing, loving touch. Hold hands, hug, pause to rub the
other’s shoulders, play footsie under the table, run your fingers through your
loved one's hair, kiss regularly, reach out to caress without an agenda, and
gaze into each other’s eyes, touching each other’s souls.
Do something unexpected. One dictionary defines romance as “a
tendency of mind toward the wonderful and mysterious, something belonging rather
to fiction than to everyday life.” Occasionally break the patterns of daily
life. Go outside and look at the stars, read a book together instead of
watching TV, enjoy a surprise date, have a picnic. Think outside the “normal”
box.
Be the initiator—of a hug, a kiss, a date, a walk, or an
evening spent gazing at the full moon, singing, dancing, or talking about
something fun. It isn’t important who starts it—just be sure you aren’t the one
who stops it!